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About the Writer

The Journey… Darkness to light

My name is Chantel Reid-Frazer, first of Eight siblings born in Saint James, Jamaica. I was raised in a Christian household, dominated by the Seventh Day Adventist (SDA) teachings where most of it did not matter until it was Friday evening, sun set. Through my grandmother’s habitual devotional exercises and prayer I have learnt about God who made the heavens and the earth, and have created us to oversee its other created things and life form. As a teenager I learnt about the hand of the Lord in my prayers that came through, almost all the time as i prayed and made requests. I had learnt to trust Him based on His faithfulness but I have never, at that time, read nor understood the scriptures of the Holy Bible.

As I seek to get closer to this person, my friend whom I could not see but listens and reassures me, I was taught that His name is Jesus. I believe it is also safe to say that there has always been this “guard” towards or against what I should do or say since that time. This same “guard” as i’d called it then, was the same guard that gave me confidence in believing the word I read through scripture. The little that I did read now and then, lol. I have felt His hand on my shoulder, peace after praying for peace, joy after spending time talking with Him and dreams of His coming as written in Revelations …most of which I could not comprehend at the time. Having gone through this experience compared to where I am now in the Lord, I can say that I have encountered the Holy Spirit as a child. So innocent and gullible to the word as read and the spiritual experiences I had.

As I sought to be closer to Him, I remembered spending more time at my grandmother’s side having daily devotional exercising and singing hymns. Time passed and she became ill, shut in and barely visited by the church folks back then. She never complained, not as much as I can remember. The word that stood out through her and scripture was that the Lord Jesus Christ died fro my sins on the cross of Calvary. It was never about what foods to avoid, how to dress nor how to please God. She gambled after a while of being on her own at home, hoping she could have won the lottery to help meet the financial needs of the family. She got angry many times and cursed but resumed her Christian moral duties according to her denominational belief once it came down to Friday evenings. I could see this among many others within the sect. It felt like ticking off a “To Do List” sometimes, or waiting for a day of cleansing called the Sabbath then get back to our religious routine of doing what we wanted. Mentally I begun to lose the connection I had with my friend Jesus.

I begun High school in 2005, became exposed to social platforms and a world that was seemingly hidden from me while I was still in Primary school. I became distracted by the things society had to offer but there was something, still lingering with me that would not cause me to step into the extreme. I never smoked, gotten wasted with alcoholism nor sexual immoralities. Leading up to the final years of my High school experience, I became ignorant to the word I had known and slowly drifted from getting closer to God. Though I barely had friends, I had enough company to get into trouble with; friends who spoke about sex and lust of the flesh frequently. My own thoughts and desires as a teen caught up with me, almost. I kept myself occupied with many extracurricular activities to hide the pain, inferiority and rejection I experienced among my peers who did not accept that I chose to live a rather risk free lifestyle. I later on fell into a trap of sexual sin only to be retrieved by the hand of God. I felt His love then and I felt the need to get back on route to knowing who He truly is.

Another chapter of my life begun as I spent time after High school graduation thinking about what I wanted to become. My grandmother, who I believe was going to be my source of guidance to the right path, died months before my University application was a success. She became so ill and died. Her death inspired me to become a Nurse.

As I went on to new beginnings, I was always drawn to gospel concerts, conversation about the Bible and any club at school that facilitated worshiping Jesus Christ. I surrenders my life in tears of joy at a gospel concert held at the Dump-UP beach back in 2014. The love of God through this ministry felt like a mighty rushing wind that passed through the mass crowd and located me. I felt the love of Jesus hugging me as I got lost in worship I had never yet experienced. Shortly after that I became a member of the University of Collages Christian Fellowship (UCCF) and was elected after two (2) years within my study course, as a Spiritual Co-coordinator and worked in the office of an Ambassador for a while. I took the time to read the scriptures and grew in prayer but would often times became distracted with my full-time job, studies and class schedules. Our meetings were powerful when we gathered for worship. There were persons of different denominations worshiping Christ and sharing their testimonies. It felt great, but I kept thinking about the Sabbath, hoping to one day convert some who were of a different denomination. I just couldn’t see why anyone would not want to live by the law and die for the Ten Commandments.

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I decided to find a church and began worshiping with the Church of God 7th Day (COG). I would resign one job after the other and turned down job offers so that I could worship in the house of the Lord on a Sabbath. As long as I could make it on a Saturday, I was great, I would tell myself. As long as I kept the Ten (10) commandments, I will be right with God, I told myself. I never learnt to be hot but remained lukewarm even after five (5) years because this is what I saw happening in the church, and this is what was projected in action contrary to speeches leaders made. Many times even, I would suffer emotionally and spiritually at the hands of leaders who believed I was working on the Sabbath. The main theme within their messages was the Sabbath. Other members were known to be working during Sabbath hours as well but did not suffer the same consequences I endured. I had no rights to actively indulge in certain church activities while these others, blood relatives and friends working on the Sabbath would fully enjoy that right. I would fail miserably, perhaps 50% of the time trying t keep up with church fashionistas and constant policing for painted nails, braids and even simple lip gloss, whether transparent or colored. Many days when I had no money due to either the lack of work or running out of cash, I stayed home from church. I was embarrassed to show up without my own lunch box as is very popular on Sabbath days with this sect. And even if you do show, your food is scrutinized. In general, lunch was provided for visitors but one who eats from this said provision were often times looked down at. So then, if it was even a little I had, I often times stayed home. I learnt to depend on my job as a source instead of God.

I learnt to monitor the physical while losing sight of the spiritual things. No one called my cellphone, 95% of the time that is. If you drove your own vehicle you were placed on a superior level amidst others. My spiritual mother then whom I love dearly, may call from time to time to say I was not at church today, prayed for me and encouraged me to visit. A couple who frequently drove by my route on their way to church would sometimes take me with them. I am still grateful. As a group, we traveled a lot to other branches within the denomination, had youth road trips and festive socials from time to time. Many times I felt alone though I was among so many. I dated a member for years while I was a member and after a while we fell into sexual immorality. The spiritual discernment was weak and it were as if we could have done anything and came to church okay as long as we played the part. Those who knew about it were also indulging in sexual immorality hence they could not effectively guide nor encourage us. They were even more accepted than we were, for they were gifted and well used by the church. There was no healing, no deliverance, no power, and little hope. The doctrine taught us that God wants the righteous but scoffed at those who aim or even deem themselves as being righteous. Inside, I longed for more. I wanted to worship truthfully, without the thoughts of being looked at rudely for screaming the name of Jesus or getting out of my seat first for that matter. I wanted to confide in someone the deeds I struggled with but found that either others were struggling with the same thing or other sins that had a stronghold on their life. My life was in danger when I decided that enough was enough and I wanted to serve God comes what may. I mentioned it to a few who did nothing to help.

Eventually, I turned to prayer and fasting in a more personal way, actively instead of passively. Things begun falling apart and in place. I remember staying home one Sabbath and asking the Lord to reveal Himself to me, telling Him I wanted to be saved. I begun reading the book of Acts and it was as though a rebirth had taken place in the spirit. I read for hours without realizing I had not eaten all day. My heart felt ignited once more like the moment of my first baptism. There was a fire within me yearning for more and I just could not get it in the physical. I begun to ask the Lord to lead me for I wanted to be out of the COG 7th Day . It was not a good soil for bearing fruits and fruits that remain. Too many hypocritical moves, statements and carnal motives. If felt like ticking off a list of do’s and don’ts and justification through my own fleshly deeds. I needed more than being at the surface level with God. Whenever the Lord lead you, be sure it is a place of safety and assigned leadership. False people will be comfortable under false leadership. The moment you begin to seek truth diligently with all sincerity, He will show it to you. Where He lead me, I will share with you soon. Until next time, seek good.

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Yours truly

Chantel (LadyPeculiar)